jeff (jeffhernandez) wrote,

My Type of Girl

There wasn’t much movement back in the early days.  My leg had just been casted in a hot pink fiberglass cast just below my right knee, all the way down to the ends of my toes.  I couldn’t put any weight on my leg.  I had crutches, but they made my arms oh so tired and sore, so back then there were only two things I could do.  1) Lay on the couch.  2) Lay on the bed. 

Luckily I had a friend with at least five dollars, a friend who bought me the magazine, “Psychology Today.”

“If anybody needs it…” She said.

Ha-ha.  I perused the magazine, passed over the articles about how being an optimist can help your health (I give that a big “W” as in “WHATEVER!”), the article about how divorced parents try to brain wash their children,  and the article on how and when to shed your office persona, and went straight to the cover article, THE HIDDEN LAWS OF SEXUAL CHEMISTRY, cause really there are only a couple of things I’m interested in at this juncture of my life, and one of them is good grilled food.  The other is sex.

THE LAWS OF CHEMISTRY: Whom you are most attracted to reflects the biology of your brain as much as the heat of your heart.  It may not have to do with us- it’s all about the kids, by Helen Fisher, Ph.D.  Now there’s a title for an article. 

The article was three pages long, and was chock full of mumbo jumbo (read: overly wordy) smart talk that essentially boiled down to this: people can be classified into one of four personality characteristics, (Plato called them the Artist, the Guardian, the Idealist, and the Rational) Helen Fisher calls them the Builder, the Director, the Explorer, the Negotiator.   And people with certain dominant personality traits will, on almost a subconscious level, choose to relationship with people who have a completely opposite dominant personality trait simply because that sort of balance will help produce a more well-rounded offspring (I.E. Explorers hook up with Builders because a Builder provides a stable environment, while an Explorer provides spontaneity).  A sort of opposite attract, but for a physiological reason. 

That’s swell, but that’s not really what I was interested in (I can’t think about producing well rounded offspring… that’s way too big for me right now.  I have no idea what I want for supper most nights, that’s as big as I can get.  Plus, I find that I can barely talk to girls, much less bed them… choosing a mate for reasons of producing a well rounded kid?  Come on!)  Still, I guess it was an interesting article, but reading the article was just precursor to what I really wanted to get at, the quiz. 

I freaking love quizzes.   Yes, Quizilla, I do want to know which European city I am.  Why sure Blogthings, I would love to know what color Power Ranger I would be.  What’s that Cosmo?  What’s his favorite sexual position?  Let’s take the quiz and find out!  The quiz out of Psychology Today was a bit more high-browed, asking to which degree I agreed or disagreed with statements such as. “I get uncomfortable when I see someone standing alone at a party.”  (To which I thought, “Is there a mirrored wall I’m looking at?”  I’m never uncomfortable being alone.) All which lead to me discovering what personality type I am.  The adventurous Explorer?  The steady Builder?  The decisive Director?  The personable Negotiator?  Which one would I be?  Oh the suspense! 

I am a builder (I scored a 12 in Builder, which edged out Director, Explorer, and Negotiator by one whole point.  If I maybe thought about my answers a little differently it’s entirely possible I could have been an Explorer).  “Those in whom serotonin pathways ma be dominant I call builders; these men and women tend to be social, popular, cautious (but not fearful), rule following, conventional, and often religious and spiritual. “  Is what the magazine said about Builders, which I guess sort of sounds like me, with the exception of that whole religious thing, and conventional sounds so banal.   Yeck.

Okay, so if I’m a Builder, that means, according to Dr. Fisher, that an Explorer (From the article: These men and women tend to be risk taking, novelty seeking, impulsive, creative, and curious) .will be looking out for me. 

So, now, who my dear friends is out there, available, that is novelty seeking, impulsive, creative, and curious?  I can only come up with one answer.



That’s right.  Erin Esurance.  Oh sure, she’s a cartoon you say.  But if she isn’t creative and impulsive, then I don’t know what those words mean.  And she totally needs someone who is stable, social, and popular while trying to save people time and money.  Plus, if I hook up with Erin Esurance I bet I could get into all kinds of car wrecks and never have my insurance premiums go up, and I wouldn’t have to quote, buy, or print anything ever again!  Somebody find me a phonebook!

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